Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
