You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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