the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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