hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Randomize
