I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The Olympian is in my bed
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