I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
