my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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