Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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