But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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