my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
