My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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