apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
