Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
