It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
