did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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