I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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