Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
