even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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