i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize