walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
