I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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