I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dignity is for republicans.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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