Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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