hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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