Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
