Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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