she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
