So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we should paint friendship bongs
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