i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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