just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
