You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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