he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my shit smells like andre
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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