so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
