Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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