I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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