Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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