Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
