I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
