got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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