If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
