Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
