the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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