I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
