Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
two words: eviction party
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
