I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
