You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
