So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
