I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
