I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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