please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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