So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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