I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She even gives head with a lisp.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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