She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
