Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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