you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
