Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
