All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
