some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
