we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
