then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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