i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
