U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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