I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
