Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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