You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
