I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
