Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
