Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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