no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
