So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
