I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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