You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
