If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize